Travel with kids * Shonda * South Asia

Series - "Travel with kids" is a series of posts from women who have traveled internationally (with their kids) and lived to tell about it. Hopefully their travel tips (and trials) will encourage and equip your family for adventures of your own.

Introduction - Shonda and Mark are family and we love them! I remember when Shonda started coming around... first as a friend of the family and then as a girlfriend to Mark. I have always found her to be a delight... a bright addition to conversation (and our family). Come to find out, she is also a talented writer with lots of really good travel tips.  It has been many years since we lived in the same state... but we crossed paths this year at the forth of July family gather-up... right before we moved our respective families to the ends of the earth. It was great to see them. 

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Hello! I am Shonda. I am a nerd. No, really, I was a member of the chess club in high school. I wasn’t very good, but I was a member. I met the Nerd-of-My-Dreams (Mark) almost ten years ago. I was his cousin’s college roommate and I came with her to Thanksgiving at Granmama’s house. Mark was there, and he and I got into some nerdy argument about genetic mutations, I think he won. Well, a few years later we were dating and then a year after that we were married. We have three little nerdlets. Jeremiah (5), Esther (3 ½), and Abigail (17 months).

I love information. I read as often as I can. Some of my favorite reads are: Scripture, The Chronicles of Narnia, most of Jane Austin’s works, Crime and Punishment, At the Back of the North Wind, Shakespeare’s comedies, and children’s books galore. In addition I often find myself reading newspapers and, far too many instruction manuals…I told you I love information! I also enjoy knitting, camping, hiking, drinking iced-coffee, singing (mostly just to myself or my kids), quilting, baking, saving money, driving with the windows down and a good song turned up loud, and playing great games like: Settlers of Catan and Bananagrams. Umm…I don’t always have time for all of these things, remember the three nerdlets mentioned above, but I do enjoy them when I get the chance. J

 
So, my Nerd and I and our three nerdlets live in South Asia. My husband teaches at a college here. We moved here about 14 months ago. At the time of our international move our children were almost 4, 2 ½, and 10 weeks old. Some women called us brave for enduring international travels and life abroad with such small children…maybe we were, but mostly Mark and I just wondered if we were crazy. We sought as much advice as we could about traveling because we knew it would be a challenging endeavor. I am happy to pass along as much as I can remember. 

What took you to where you are living?

We are in South Asia. My husband is a college professor. He taught in the US some, but we knew we wanted to go overseas at some point and as it turns out God allowed us to get a position teaching at a college in South Asia. Our occupations haven’t change much: he still a professor and I am still a Stay at Home Mommy of Three. One great benefit of our employment here is that we have the opportunity to visit back in The States once a year (usually during the summer). It is great to reconnect with our families, but it also means another international expedition with little ones. Give us a couple more years of back and forth and I am sure we will be experts. ;) well, either that or insane. 

What is your favorite thing about the culture you are living in?

We really enjoy the friendliness and hospitality we have experienced here. People here are rarely punctual and more spontaneous than I am used to, but that is because here relationships are more important than the clock. Even though we stay pretty busy with our daily responsibilities, the world seems to spin a tiny bit slower here. A refreshing change of pace for us.

What are your best travel tools

-Ziploc bags. We had several packed with small, cheap, new-ish (think dollar store and garage sales) toys and activities to pull out in shifts when kids got bored. We also packed a few snacks and treats in them. And we brought several empty ones to use for saving food from the airline meals. You know like when they finally bring dinner around five minutes AFTER your 4 year old has fallen asleep. He will be hungry later and you will be prepared with the dinner roll and butter, or cheese and crackers, or apple slices that you cleverly rescued from his dinner tray before it was cleared.

-Pez dispensers with pez candies. This is especially great for younger children—not savvy gum chewers but old enough to crunch a pez candy. We got this idea from a relative who travels a lot. We use them only during take-off and landing. The kids can suck and crunch on the candies to help their ears during pressurization and they can play with the dispenser at the same time.Toy and treat in one!

-Paper bracelets. I am talking about those neon-colored, fibrous, self-adhesive bracelets that one might see at a carnival or amusement park, or even summer camp used to identify the wearer as “one who has paid admission” or “under a certain age/height.” Even though they are made of paper, they are very difficult if not impossible to rip and yet they are soft and are not weakened or damaged by water. Our kids are pretty young, and we worry about them getting separated from us in an airport and not being able to communicate (clearly) who they are and who their parents are so that we can be reunited. So, we use these paper bracelets as ID bracelets. We write on the INSIDE surface to protect our information from nosey eyes and we put them on each kid before going to the airport. Each bracelet has the wearer’s name, parents’ names, destination, and an emergency contact number.

-A Wal-Mart bag or two. Airlines provide you with airsickness bags, but not usually trash bags. And trash does accumulate: a wipey to clean some ones hands, a wrapper from a snack, etc… and no one wants to call the attendant every so often to throw a little bit of trash away, so bring your own sack and then you will save yourself some hassle.

-Sippy cups and/or water bottles. Bring them empty so you have fewer issues with security, but bring them. One for each kid. Our kids our young, as I mentioned before, and though our son does fine with a regular cup at home, but on a moving, bouncing airplane it is quite easy for even adults to overturn  a cup. SO we just use sippy cups or water bottles to reduce spills. Keep in mind many large planes have water dispensers near the crew workstations that are self-service and make staying hydrated a lot easier.  

-Hand sanitizing wipes. It can be a hassle to carry liquid sanitizer and have to separate it out for security, then it is in this bag or that pocket, which will inevitably be inaccessible just when you need it. Hand sanitizing wipes, though are neither a liquid nor a gel, so put some in your purse, in diaper bag, etc. have them reachable and accessible no matter what carryon is nearby.

-Pull-ups. Obviously if you have older children just skip this one, but for those who have a relatively newly potty-trained kiddo, I highly recommend pull-ups. Even for the “almost never has an accident kid” and the “we never use pull-ups mom.” The airport can be a rather busy and exciting place, and airplanes even more so. Not to mention that normal routines and potty habits are not easy to maintain—you go when you can. While adults and older children can often tell before they are in an urgent situation and plan accordingly, or even “hold it” for a few minutes until a restroom is available, toddlers and pre-Ks usually can’t…or, at least, don’t. Travelling can be stressful enough without having to clean up accident after accident. Not to mention there are many times (i.e. Going through the security line, standing in line to board or check-in, or in a customs lines, the lavatory on-board is occupied, landing, take-off etc...) when rushing a little one to the bathroom is just not an option. Give you and your little one a little peace of mind and pack a few pull-ups. We tell our 3 year old to treat the pull-up like underwear, and continue to encourage frequent potty breaks, but is nice to know, if she has an accident it isn’t likely going to require and entire wardrobe and shoe change. Learning moment: on our first trip to Asia, our almost 4 year old son fell asleep with a full bladder and woke up a few hours into our flight with a puddle in his seat. I hadn’t used a pull-up because he had been potty-trained for over a year and rarely had accidents. Well, we changes his clothes, but he had to sit on a thick plastic garbage bag for the remaining 10 hours of the flight because it was a full flight and they had no spaces to move us to.

-Inflatable beach ball. This is another idea we got from a relative. This is very, very helpful when you have long layovers. When deflated the beach ball weighs barely anything and takes up minimal space, but pull it out puff into it a few times and spend few minutes playing in an empty-ish corner near your gate. It really helps the kids burn off some energy and have a little unexpected fun. When you are done just deflate the ball and stow back in your carry-on.

What are your best travel tips?

-Prepare your kids ahead of time. Make sure to tell them again and again in the days before your trip what is happening. As the big travel day gets closer get more detailed. Kids (and adults too) handle most situations better when they know what to expect. Think through the trip, talk about what will happen, make it a story about what they are likely to experience. Use positive but honest descriptions (even about things you don’t like so much like waiting in line or going through security. Remember they take their cues from you). Try not to say anything too absolutely like “we will” or “definitely” about things that could change. Travelling can be unpredictable at times and flights can get delayed or even cancelled. Use words like “probably” and “we are planning to.”  Think about the places you will be, the lines you will or may wait in, the routine on the plane (seatbelts, safety instructions, take-off, meal service, dimming of lights at night, etc..). Then keep talking them through it as you travel, letting them know what is likely coming up next. Also include words that prepare them for how they might feel and useful things they can do about it. Things like, “Once we get off of our first planes, we will all probably be tired. It is okay to be tired, but is it okay to scream and yell when we are tired? No. We still have to be kind and respectful. Even though we will probably be tired we will need to stand in lines and walk a little bit to get to our next plane. Before we get on our next plane we will probably have a snack and every one will try to use the potty.” If something unexpected comes up, talk them through it. Less chaos and confusion = happier kids = happier parents!

Also prepare them for safe travelling. I mentioned the bracelets above, but it is also important to prepare them to be safe. First, remind them in the days before and especially on the day of travel, that airports are very big and busy places. Caution them to always stay right with you. Teach them (or remind if older) to find uniformed airport or airline personnel if they get separated from you. Teach them to say their name and your name and explain that they are lost and need help. If they are too young to remember all of the details, use the bracelets and teach them to show their bracelet to the “important airport people in uniforms at desks.”

-Commit to having a good attitude. I do not loooove to travel with small children. It is often challenging and not relaxing a bit, unless you happen to be a jet-set celebrity with a nanny to accompany you and your little ones on your private jet. Despite the stress and challenges of travels, remember that your attitude as you face each part of the journey will greatly affect your children. I am not suggesting you to be a big phony and glue smile on your face, but how you handle annoying security searches or delayed flights or lost luggage is being watched by your kids. Pray for God to help you handle these kinds of things with extra grace, and patience.

-Routine. Especially if you are travelling during your “normal” night, try to find ways to incorporate your routine into your travelling. After dinner, have them change into pjs and brush their teeth. Have story time. They are more likely to settle down and rest or sleep if they are doing at least part of their bedtime routine.

-Pack creatively. When limited by the number of carry-ons one can bring, one must get creative. We have a couple smaller kid-size backpacks to use for games and snacks and such during the flight. They are small so they are handy and take up less much-needed foot room during the flight. But I did not want the kids’ tiny backpacks to count towards our total carry-ons. So we pack those bags inside a bigger bag with other things. This way they are also easier to keep track of when we are traipsing around the airport.

-Tray stacking. With 3 kids 4 and under on our first trip, and 3 kids 5 and under now, meals times are one of the most stressful times during the fight itself. We often call the airline a few weeks before our trip to reserve children’s meals for the kids. They are usually more kid-friendly foods, and on some airlines come in handy snack boxes that you can take with you. Even still it is stressful because all at once your children have this packed tray placed in front of them. Often with a heated dish covered in thick (edges can cut you and it is hot, be careful!) foil. You would try to help them open their meals and keep them from grabbing and spilling their dessert everywhere, but you have a 14-month-old infant-in-arms who is grabbing at the tray just placed on your tray table. It is almost enough to induce a mommy-melt-down. Here is the strategy that works for us, and I think we got this from a relative as well. When food arrives, Mark takes all of the trays and stacks them on his tray table. Then he begins distributing food to the kids and me as we can handle it. If the baby is sleeping, and thus not a grabbing risk, I keep my own tray. But this way, there is less food spilled the meal time is less chaotic.

-Counting. Mark and I divide this job before we even get to the airport and determine who will count what/who. Usually he counts passports and I count bags and kids. And we focus on keeping our counts again and again. Anytime we transition from one area to another. We check with each other and keep accountable for knowing our numbers. If it is my job to always have 6 carry-ons and 3 kids in my sights, then I will count them over and over again as we go to be sure everything and everyone is accounted for. No one wants to lose a bag, passport, or child. It is easy to think the other person has the item or the child, but if you assign the counting jobs and be diligent, you should avoid making wrong assumptions.

-Decide discipline ahead of time. Travelling is difficult on kids as well as adults. They are often dealing with feeling tired and perhaps confused by the changes to their schedule or routines. They may be getting too little sleep, or too much stimuli from in-flight entertainment. They may or may not be eating very well because they are tired during meals. I think it is a time to exercise grace with kids. That being said, there are times when their behavior or choices have to be dealt with. Decide ahead of time how you will discipline at the airport, on the plane, etc…Have a game plan so that if you are confronted with  defiance or other unacceptable behavior that you will not have to rack your tired, stressed-out brain for how to deal with it. I think it also wise to think through how you want to manage the entertainment available to your children during the flight. Many planes now have individual screens at each seat with hundreds of channels and movies to choose from. Determine ahead of time how much entertainment you wish to allow and communicate it to your children at the beginning of the flight. “Ok, Jeremiah, you may watch this move one time. When it is over, it will be time to turn off the screen and rest.”

 -No rights. I saved this one for last because it is the best and hardest tip I ever received. A family member who travels a lot gave us this tip before our big move, and we are grateful for it. Basically it boils down to this: do not think you are entitled to anything.  This means: sleep, the specialty meal you reserved three weeks before, watching movies, reading a book, sit in a particular row or seat, having a restful or relaxing journey, etc... Your priority and goal should be to make sure your kids are okay and that they do not disturb those around you.”Consider others as better than yourself.” Philippians 2:3.  In this case the “others” are your kids, the flight crew, and other passengers. If you go into your travels NOT expecting to have the experience catered to your desires or even needs, you will often be more pleased with how it does turn out. In addition, if you do encounter a frustrating detour from what you wanted, (the infant in arms who won’t sleep, or the in-flight entertainment doesn’t work, or your seating arrangements were changed last minute to better accommodate someone else) it may feel like less of a problem if you have already determined that you are not entitled to anything.

Was it worth the trouble? Why or why not?

It was absolutely worth the trouble. Each travel is part of our family’s adventure. Travels with kids especially young ones are rarely easy, but we have a lot of memories from airports and airplanes. And, ultimately we are in South Asia because that is where we need to be. It is always worth it to endure challenges to get here. Besides, Think back about 5 decades and imagine how much more exhausting it would be to take a boat for 3 months. I once heard an older friend who had lived in this South Asia describe her boat trip here with little ones. She talked of a crowded cabin, and rocky seas, and having to be very mindful that her children didn’t fall over the low railing and end up overboard. For three months straight! Yikes! That sure puts a 30-hour international trek through airports and on airplanes into perspective. Thank God for international air travel!