Moving to Nashville - the finish line

We are moving to Nashville in December. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write those words. Probably because I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I am crawling towards the finish line. I feel beat down and dried up and can't say that I have run this race particularly well. There have been small victories, but for the most part it has been a losing year. Losing my perspective, my temper, my hope, my identity and losing my father. One thing I gained in the past year is a more solidified understanding of grace... and more specifically, how much I need it. I also had some priceless time with two people that I love dearly. My parents.

Life has felt messy and chaotic, but it has also felt important and irreplaceable. I feel smaller and less capable, but I also feel covered and cared for. Grace has become bigger and more beautiful than I knew it to be. I am thankful for this "in between" season in Walhalla, South Carolina and in so many ways I will be very sad when it is over. But moving to Nashville will be good for our family. It is the next step in our story. I am excited to make friends, walk my kids to school, unpack our storage unit, read a book, start exercising, bake bread, and go on dates with my husband. There are a lot of "normal" and "daily" things that haven't been a part of our life for a while. I am looking forward to getting back to those things.

Last year, before my dad's diagnosis, I made the decision to train for Rotorua's Swim the Lakes Summer Series. Three open water swims across some of the regions most beautiful lakes (Rotoma, Okataina and Tikitapu). We only ended up being in New Zealand for the Tikitapu (Blue Lake) race and I didn't have time to train properly. I went to the aquatic center twice to make sure I was still able to swim 2km but I didn't account for the varied conditions that come with open water swimming.

It was a hard. The sun was bright in my eyes, there were dozens of people swimming around and past me, waves, splashing, hitting, kicking, swallowing water. But it was also beautiful - and mixed in with the challenge of it, were moment of incredible significance for me. I didn't finish strong, but I didn't drown - and that felt like enough.

I haven't written much about the past twelve months. It is hard to talk about "hard things". In a world that has big heartbreaking problems, our family has so much to be thankful for. But it would be inauthentic to omit the fact that this has been a heavy, challenging year for me. I did not thrive, but I also didn't drown. We are nearing the finish line and grace will most certainly win this race. Nashville or bust.

October (Halloween week)

Since May, Ben has been commuting to Delaware for work. When we moved back from New Zealand, it took longer than we expected for his North and South Carolina medical licenses to process. He was still licensed in Delaware and we needed some money. So he took a temporary job at the wonderful hospital where he did residency. It has been a great solution for our family, while we took some time to figure out what our next step was going to be. (More on that next time)

Most months it shakes out to be a pretty good deal. Ben's usually works about 14 days. But October/November has been pretty rough... home 5 of the past 30 day. We had him for Halloween and every was thrilled. We went to Denver Downs to get our pumpkins... and it ended up being a lot more fun than I expected. It reminded me of something you would find in New Zealand. Lots of funny and quirky games, zip lines, farm animals, rope swings, hay ride, a corn maze... everyone had a great time! But it was probably because we were so happy to be together. 

In the back yard of the house we are renting there is a creek. The path to the creek was overgrown when we arrived, but has slowly become well worn. There were two rusted lawn chairs, a dilapidated Tonka truck, and an overgrown fire pit. You could tell that, at one point, this was a beloved place. On one particularly frustrating day I took a portable speaker and all the kids down to the creek. Max had a serrated kitchen knife and a pair of scissors for a "project" that he was working on. I took the knife and spent the next two hours "clearing brush". Bending branches and sawing limbs with my little kitchen knife. It was cathartic. As things started to look more beautiful, the kids got excited and joined in, gathering bricks and other building supplies to improve the atmosphere. By the time Ben got home we were ready for the "big reveal" and our first creek side cook out. It was a good night.

This year Max and Maggie were very enthusiastic about making their costumes. Thankfully Jude and Jonah were quite content choosing from the large selection at Grammy's house. Maggie was an American Indian and Max was a Tusken Raider (sand people from Star Wars). Ben has the papier-mâché skills in our family, so I got off easy with a little bit of sewing machine work. We went trick-or-treating at my Aunt's house in Greenville and Ben caught an early flight the next morning. He get's home Monday and we can't wait to see him.
 

October (Georgia Aquarium)

We took a quick trip to Atlanta to visit the Georgia Aquarium. We love aquariums and have seen our fair share in the past several years. I think this one might be my favorite so far. One of the highlights for the kids (and this cheap frugal mama) was the FREE 4-D imax movie. We also loved the otters, jellyfish, beluga whales, and the creative design of each exhibit (especially the River Scout section).

We spend the night with my cousin and her sweet family. She has teenagers that are always wonderful, kind, playful and patient with my younger kids. It was a nice getaway during (what has turned out to be) the most challenging month since my dad died. In October I hit the proverbial "wall" and things started feeling really hard and overwhelming.

September

In September we were STILL recovering from an extended period of illness. The little boys started preschool, subsequently providing us with a bit more (uninterrupted) time for homeschool. Lake Keowee stayed warm through September. We enjoyed swimming, boating and hiking in the area. We also had a bittersweet 40th anniversary celebration for Grammy and Papa.

August (sick days)

A spider, breakfast in bed, turtles at a bar, boys in a tree... dad gets home.
That is about all we could muster up for the rest of August.

August (Litchfield Beach)

After we got home from Gatlinburg we washed some clothes, slept in our beds and then drove to Litchfield Beach to spend some time with my Aunt Ellen, Uncle Ken and mom. We had a ton of fun...  and then at the very end of the trip, I got really sick
(and stayed that way for about a month).

August (Gaitlinburg with dear friends)

In August we spent a few days in Gatlinburg, Tennessee with some dear friends from the residency days. For a few brief and precious years, Heidi's prayers and presence kept me sane and healthy. We  had young children, a compatible level of spontaneity and a shared love for the great outdoors. Our friendship was an answer to prayer that sustained me through a challenging season. It was a great few days filled with with bear baiting, river floating and fun.

July (Family & Fish)

On our visit to Texas in July, we spent time with family and fish.

July (Uncle Batman and Terri)

We spent the rest of the Fourth of July weekend with my mom's youngest brother (Uncle Bruce) and his wife (Aunt Terri). Plenty of time on the water, a birthday celebration for Maggie nice meals and lots of laughs.

From the time I was young, I always found Bruce's personality to be endearing and really fun. All my kids love being with Bruce (who we affectionately refer to as Uncle Batman) and Terri. But Jude has a special affinity for Bruce. When you ask Jude what he wants to be when he grows up, he says, without any hesitation, "a rockstar". I think he might get his "rockstar" gene from my uncle. Two peas in a pod.

July (The Fourth)

This year we got to attend my Aunt Ellen's epic Fourth of July party. It was our first holiday without dad - we missed him. A while back, I wrote about this thirty-plus year tradition. You can find it here. A few years ago (when I was pregnant with Jonah) I hopped in the car with the kids and we made a surprise visit.

June (Clearwater beach)

One of the nice perks of Ben's current work schedule is the time that he has off. Towards the end of June we took a road trip to Clearwater Beach. We spend the first several days on our own - resting recuperating, playing on the beach. It was HOT and we had several rain days - so we spent many afternoons playing games and working puzzles inside. The evenings were very pleasant and most nights we played at the beach before dinner.

Ben's sister and her family met us for the second half of our trip. It was wonderful being with them. Our kids enjoyed and entertained each other and we had a chance to catch up with some of our favorite people.

June

In June things got quiet and we worked to get back into a normal routine at home and with school. A few high lights included "clay day" at the Blue Ridge Parkway Folk Art Center in Ashville, NC and the Cherokee Voices Festival in Cherokee, NC.

May (pets)

This has been a wonderful season for pets. We have a screened in porch that is home to a variety of animals and their (ever developing) habitats.
"Spike" (turtle in the top left corner) is a box turtle hatching that Jude found walking around in our back yard.
"Mapster" (turtle in the water) is a map turtle that Max caught when we were kyaking at an island near my moms house.
"Billy" (large turtle bottom left) is a grown box turtle that we found near the creek at our house.
"Checkers" (the snake) is a corn snake that we found in my mom's back yard.
We have also had a wide variety of fish, crawfish, lizards, geckos, newts, tadpoles, frogs, salamanders and three dogs that visit us on a daily basis.

Walhalla, South Carolina has been a good for us. I think we are going to miss being here a lot more than I can project at the moment. A comfortable home in the middle of the woods, nature, wildlife, wide open spaces to explore and create... and a good dose of freedom.

May (Special friends)

When we walked down the aisle at my father's funeral a wonderful surprise was tucked in among the guests. Our old neighbors from Delaware had made the twelve hour drive to be there with us. We have been through so much with these people over the years and it was a gift to have them there. The kids couldn't have been more excited to see their friends, and it brought a measure of joy to an otherwise difficult day.

When we lived in Delaware Kathy and I were in and out of each other's kitchens almost every day and her grandkids (Donald and Olivia) spent countless hours adding joy to our home. Having them with us in South Carolina, made our temporary home feel alive and familiar. I believe God puts certain people in our lives for specific reasons... these are our people. I couldn't be more thankful for the way they shaped our lives and changed our family. We love them dearly.

  

May (Celebration)

We had a wonderful weekend celebrating the life of my father with friends and family who loved him. Max learned how to water ski, we had nice meals together, shared special memories and had fun playing on the lake.

May (Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium)

"He dies"
Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium
 this movie is a long running favorite in our home
"Your life is an occasion, rise to it"

May

In May we we spent time together. Uncle Joe came for a long weekend (and taught the kids how to start a fire with a magnify glass). The kids participated in a mud run. We celebrated Mother's Day. Maggie and Arleigh came back to South Carolina. My cousin and his family came for visit. We celebrated Maggie's birthday (very early) with Papa. We went to Sliding Rock.

Ben was traveling back from Delaware (in the middle of his first week of shifts at his new job). My Aunt and Uncle came to be with my kids at just the right time. We spent one last beautiful evening together - just the four of us... and the next day my dad set off on a new adventure. 

April (Sarah's Visit)

A dear friend of mine from college (who happens to know a thing or two about loss and grief) came for a visit in April. We went to the Greenville zoo, paddled kayaks, played with the kids, swam in the lake, hiked to waterfalls, ate at restaurants, spent time with my parents, and took off for a night in Ashville. It was therapeutic, fun and just exactly what I needed. During Sarah's visit, my dad's best friend from college drove in from Ohio. It was a gift to learn about their friendship, hear stories from the past and watch the two of them interact. Friendship is a gift.

April (Easter)

Easter has always been a special time in our home. Of course for the celebration of Christ's resurrection... but also for my dad's annual scavenger hunt. This year, my mom wrote the clues and hid the treasure. A rock tumbler! Max and Maggie were so excited to polish their "loot" from a gem mining trip they took with my parents several months ago. Mom made a really nice meal and we celebrated (what turned out to be) our last holiday with dad. A bittersweet day.

April (around home)

In April my dad's health began to rapidly decline. We stayed close to home, enjoying his company, the warm spring weather, and natural beauty of this area. Among the highlights were, Oconee Station Falls, Max's (pie in the face) birthday dinner, Fire on the Mountain Blacksmiths Festival, and a special drive-in fishing trip with Papa.