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Moving to Nashville - the finish line

Wednesday, November 18, 2015

We are moving to Nashville in December. I am not sure why it has taken me so long to write those words. Probably because I don't want to draw attention to the fact that I am crawling towards the finish line. I feel beat down and dried up and can't say that I have run this race particularly well. There have been small victories, but for the most part it has been a losing year. Losing my perspective, my temper, my hope, my identity and losing my father. One thing I gained in the past year is a more solidified understanding of grace... and more specifically, how much I need it. I also had some priceless time with two people that I love dearly. My parents.

Life has felt messy and chaotic, but it has also felt important and irreplaceable. I feel smaller and less capable, but I also feel covered and cared for. Grace has become bigger and more beautiful than I knew it to be. I am thankful for this "in between" season in Walhalla, South Carolina and in so many ways I will be very sad when it is over. But moving to Nashville will be good for our family. It is the next step in our story. I am excited to make friends, walk my kids to school, unpack our storage unit, read a book, start exercising, bake bread, and go on dates with my husband. There are a lot of "normal" and "daily" things that haven't been a part of our life for a while. I am looking forward to getting back to those things.

Last year, before my dad's diagnosis, I made the decision to train for Rotorua's Swim the Lakes Summer Series. Three open water swims across some of the regions most beautiful lakes (Rotoma, Okataina and Tikitapu). We only ended up being in New Zealand for the Tikitapu (Blue Lake) race and I didn't have time to train properly. I went to the aquatic center twice to make sure I was still able to swim 2km but I didn't account for the varied conditions that come with open water swimming.

It was a hard. The sun was bright in my eyes, there were dozens of people swimming around and past me, waves, splashing, hitting, kicking, swallowing water. But it was also beautiful - and mixed in with the challenge of it, were moment of incredible significance for me. I didn't finish strong, but I didn't drown - and that felt like enough.

I haven't written much about the past twelve months. It is hard to talk about "hard things". In a world that has big heartbreaking problems, our family has so much to be thankful for. But it would be inauthentic to omit the fact that this has been a heavy, challenging year for me. I did not thrive, but I also didn't drown. We are nearing the finish line and grace will most certainly win this race. Nashville or bust.

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